BarefootinBoston

You would think I could see past the end and just realize that we are doing what we need to make our dog happy.  I can’t.  I am having the hardest possible time with this-crying so much and just feeling absolutely horrible.  I of course am making sure to cuddle Jack as much as he’ll let me and just spend more time with him yet it’s very difficult with my babe around too.

I made the difficult decision to go with my husband to have Jack put down.  At first I didn’t want anything to do with it,  but then realized that I may regret it later, whereas I will never regret going with him.  I really do like to believe that there’s something after we all physically leave this planet-I hope Jack will be playing with my childhood dog Liza who died a couple years ago, but the worst part is no one knows.

I do know that I will miss him tremendously…I just can’t imagine how empty our house is going to feel without him walking about, even if it were pacing at the end.

Enough typing about him-I’m going to go spend some time with him

Yesterday was the day I decided to put my dog down…today was the day that the appointment was made. Let me give you a little background first.

My husband and I had been together for many years and were moving into an apartment that accepted dogs. I grew up with dogs and was desperate for a pet. After much searching on petfinder.com, we came across an ‘elderly’ mini schnauzer named Jack. Now, he was the handsomest dog, and able to stay home during the day while we worked, which was also a huge plus. Since we were getting him from a rescue league, we had to go through some hoops, but we met him, adored him instantly, and adopted him soon after. My husband also fell hard, something he didn’t think he would (he was the one who insisted no adopting Jack since he didn’t think anyone else would want an older dog-when we adopted him they guessed him to be 10-12 years old). He lived with my mother for a month until we moved into the dog friendly apartment.

He changed so much from when we adopted him. The rescue lady said that he wasn’t a lap dog, but in months, he was my lap dog. Jumping on the couch, the bed, to snuggle up next to me. He was an affectionate dog and was always so happy when we came home. You would think he was our baby with the number of pictures we took of him (now that we have a baby, we know that isn’t the case).

Enough already-my son was born and Jack went downhill quickly-he had already started before E was born, but once the baby was in the picture, it was worse-accidents in the house, not happy when petted, etc. After 6 months of this, we have decided that the time has come. There is no way he can be happy-he has accidents at least once daily in the house, paces around endlessly, falls over when he shakes off, and snaps at us if we pet him in the wrong spot.

How can I be the one who decides when to end my dog’s life-that’s the hardest part that I am having. I cannot imagine not having him pace about the house-I find myself now counting down the hours I have left with him (67 hours) and crying non stop.

I can only believe that I am making the right decision, that he is in fact in a lot of pain and really isn’t having the quality of life he should be.

But I will miss him so much…

It seems as though only days ago I was pregnant, but my son is going to be 6 months on Sunday. Just when you think time passes quickly, you have a child and it goes by at an even faster rate. We are having a half birthday celebration, complete with half a cake and all.

Even though I don’t enjoy making New Year’s resolutions, I have a couple I may try on for size….

learn to live with the staying at home while my husband is working ratio of work…quite hard since I am not getting a paycheck, however I guess seeing my son’s smiles and giggles daily are my paycheck

appreciate things more often…I want to start a journal where every evening I write 3 things that happened that day that were good, or that I am happy about…we’ll see how long that will last

For now those are my thoughts. Of course being more green is also on my list, but there are just some things I cannot imagine living without, well,l I guess it’s not ME that would have a hard time, just convincing my dear partner.

I am also debating on informing people who know me that I keep this blog. It’s nice to write thoughts down and think other people may read them, but not know who you are. It’s a whole new world when you know that the people you love are reading what you think….do I really want to go there?