BarefootinBoston

I have never had a ‘normal’ relationship with my mother.  After going through some pretty shitty times when I was a kid, I had pretty much little respect for her left and was not afraid to show it.  Not to mention the fact that I was an honors student, not drinking, not doing drugs, involved in many activities, and yet she still found reasons to hate me throughout high school and treat me if I were a delinquent (and even kicked me out when I was in college-yay for me).

But I had moved past all of that garbage.  When I had E, I had thought things would be different.  Maybe now that I was a mother I could understand more of where she was coming from and maybe also my mother would start respecting me a bit more.  Wrong again.  Things continued on in the let us just ignore them while they are still there way.

The shit finally hit the fan on E’s first birthday.  I told my mother I didn’t want her ’significant other’ at his party (which was at our house).   He wasn’t a positive influence on my life, would not be one for E, therefore I didn’t want him there to celebrate my son’s first birthday-not to mention the fact that he could have cared less about being there, other than to piss me off.

My mother responded as she does in these situations, denial.  Things continued on in a changed manner-we never stayed at her house anymore (which is where we always stayed), we wouldn’t visit her at her house unless her ‘fiance’ weren’t there, everything to expose E to a better, more sane environment.  This lasted a few months.

Then she started making some pretty bad decisions-choosing to go to Target instead of coming to say goodbye to her grandson.  Going out to get a toilet seat replacement since her fat ass of a fiance broke the one she had instead of going out with me on my birthday for lunch (which took her about 20 minutes into a phone call to even wish me a happy birthday).  Not calling when she was coming down to see K, therefore not making sure that she could see E.  The more time passes, the more I realize she is treating E the same way she would treat me.

I do not want E to have this kind of person in his life.  I don’t want to make excuses for my mother when she doesn’t show up, but I don’t want to tell E the truth that going to Target is more important than  bidding adieu to him.

So, I have made a decision to just stop and see what happens.  I’m not going to make any effort to get in touch with my mother, but if she gets in touch with me, so be it (of course this means I also have to avoid family functions..oy).  I don’t want to pretend everything is ok and that the way she is acting is an okay way for a mother and grandmother to act.  E is an important little guy and he needs to be treated like he is, especially by a grandparent.