I went and visited my mother, and mother in law, the past couple of days.  I was getting a bit bored being around here and wanted a change of scenery.  So E and I hopped in the car and went up north.  I was hoping to get maybe a little break from E, just a little.  I did get to sleep in, but wasn’t really given much of a break.  I guess I can’t ask for it all.

While I was there, I was talking with my mother about my grandparents.  They are moving into a retirement facility (not a ‘home’) in a few weeks.  My grandfather has immaculate degeneration and my grandmother is bi polar.  Makes for quite the pair.  My grandmother is also in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, so, it’s a bit messy.  My poor grandfather, not really being able to see much, has to cook for the both of them since my grandmother just ‘doesn’t feel like it’.  Boy, I hope that this is not the situation I get in with A when I get older.

I’m truly scared of the bi polar, manic depressive thing.  It’s apparently hereditary.   I feel like I already see parts of it in my mother.  She isn’t really manic or depressive, but some things just don’t seem right.  And sometimes I find myself saying or doing things my  mother has done, and it makes me worry.

The worst part is, I can’t do anything about it.  Well, I can be aware and educate myself on the sympotoms, therapy, etc., but it’s not like some other illnesses where you can (or we are told you can) partake in this or that to at least make the chances less.

So, although I’m a ‘mere’ 26, I’m already thinking of what may be happening to me 30, 40 years down the line.  Yikes.

Today I turn 26.  I have no idea how this happened.  I have no idea how I am married, with a child, and 26 years old.  Yea, at one point I was hoping to have a child by 24, heck A wanted a child by 24 (which would have made me 22, yikes).  But I just don’t feel this old.  I feel like I am 22.  But every day I seem to notice that I am looking older and older, a few more gray hairs, some wrinkles, some more sagging (maybe due to E more than aging though).

But having a birthday also reminds me how lucky I am to have wonderful people in my life.   All the phone calls I get from friends, the cards I get in the mail, it’s nice to hear from people.  E and I went over MJ’s  house today.  She made me a cake, complete with candles.  It was really sweet. Things like that make me feel that there is good in the world…at least for a little while.