BarefootinBoston

“Is there something about motherhood that turns one mind into goo?” Mommies Who Drink-Brett Paesel

I cannot tell you how many times I hear the following while I’m visiting my mother

“See!  You used to make fun of me when I forgot so much but now you can understand.”

My reply, “Yes, but I’m hoping that when E gets a little bigger, things will get better.”

I think the lack of sleep is what makes me have mommy brain, that and trying to do too much in a given day.  However, I am completely embarrassed of the current state of my brain.  I cannot find common words to use to describe everyday things.  I cannot put sentences together anymore.  I cannot even decisions.  My brain is a mess.   For Christmas I received a Nintendo DS and the Brain Age game to go along with it.  I was hopeful that it would at least start to get me back on track.  Um, nope.

I am thinking of going back to work in the fall, but the main reason I am putting it off is my ability yo interview well.  I have a hard enough time talking with my friends, let alone trying to answer job questions to people who are thinking of hiring me.  I would walk in the room, say one sentence, and be dismissed from their minds as a good candidate.  They would wonder where I was educated and how long I’ve been taking these drugs.

I am a mess and am hopeful in the near future that this will disappear.  I don’t know what to do to ensure that, but I’ll try everything I can to get rid of this mommy brain.

“Spence was a couple of months old when I first cut his fingernails, snipping a tiny fingertip. As blood streamed out of the cut, I screamed ‘Oh my Christ. You’re bleeding. Holy Mary Mother of Fuck, what do I do now?’” Mommies Who Drink, Brett Paesel

Cutting E’s nails is one of the things I dread the most. I anxiously await the time until the next trim. The indicator that I need to cut his nails is usually displayed all over my body, from him gripping my neck when I hold him to clenching the skin on my hand when he’s eating, I get battle wounds when his nails get too long. I put up with this for a couple of days before finally giving in and cutting his nails. For the first two months, A would cut E’s nails while I was nursing him. He was content and still, two very important preparations to cutting E’s nails. A has cut E’s fingers twice, both times drawing blood, both times ending in screaming, both times me wincing and dreading removing the band aid a day later. Now that he’s bottle fed, life is different. I am the one who cuts his nails.

I find I often forget that I need to trim his nails until he unknowingly attacks me with them. When the time is right, I put him on his changing table and try to distract him with some toy that is close by. This proves difficult as I need both hands to trim his nails, one to hold his hand, the other to hold the clippers. E is more interested in the clippers than the toy I gave him, trying to grab them whenever they get within his reach. I hold my breath every time I push the clippers together. Phew, no skin with that one. When I’m lucky, I get through all 10 nails. More times than not it’s a two phase battle with the thumbs being the most difficult. Luckily I have only clipped his skin a couple of times and it’s only been a superficial wound, no blood. I don’t know what I would do should blood starting pouring out of E’s hands, most likely end up on the floor from thinking about the blood, not good for either of us.

So I just finished this amazing book called Mommies Who Drink.  It may be a little extreme for some of the ’super moms’ out there but it was right up my alley.  I laughed out loud at several parts throughout the book.  One can tell how into a book I am by how quickly I finished it.  While raising my son, working part time, and dealing with a myriad of other things, I finished this book in under a week.  I intend to quote a few passages from the book in the next several weeks, maybe so I can just remember the best parts without re reading the book.

I would highly recommend this book to any mother out there-I think the level of enjoyment that a non-mother would get out of it cannot compare to being a mother and reading this.  It’s a very real account of motherhood, extremely enjoyable