BarefootinBoston

“When did it get better? I manage to ask. It’s the question I haven’t asked anyone because I’m afraid the answer is never…’It’s kind of a slow thing. One day you wake up and you look at your kid and you like what you see and your head feels clearer and you think of things you’re doing to do that day. And you don’t know what switched…and other days you find yourself wondering if throwing yourself out a five story window would kill you outright or just make you paralyzed.” Mommies Who Drink, Brett Paesel

E has hit the 6 month mark, almost at the 7 month mark.  One would think that by spending day after day with my bundle of joy that I would have figured him out by now.   That is not the case.  Every day poses a new challenge for me with him.  When he starts to fuss, I go through the list in my head of possible reasons…hungry, wet, poopy, tired, bored, overwhelmed, warm, cold?  When the answers to those questions all match up, I have no idea what to do.  This seems to be the case more that it should. I try not to compare E with other kids, but tend to think that A and I have somehow created a very particular little guy.  He knows exactly what he wants, when he wants it, and if we don’t oblige right then, we hear about it.  Now, figuring out what it is that he actually wants is the problem.  Maybe this will clear up when he can speak (or hopefully sign as I would like to start that), but I worry it will become a bigger problem and that he’ll be more demanding.

He’s stubborn like I am.  I have myself to blame for that one.  But when he’s happy, he’s the cutest most amazing being to be around.  But it’s those times where he is incredibly fussy for the  reasons that I can’t figure out that I wonder to myself, when does it get better?  It has gotten better, a whole lot better, but I still have those days where I just pace around, waiting for A to get home so I can hand E off to him and just regroup for a couple of minutes.

Does every mother go through this?  It is my hope that they do and I’m not some freak of nature.  At least I know some do, but I would hope all do.  Maybe it’s one of those things that no one likes to admit to…I have no problem doing it, but I am a lot more honest than most people.

Day by day, I do notice each little improvement.  A says that as soon as E is mobile, things will get better.  Well, at least E will be able to entertain himself a bit more, but I’ll certainly be running around a bit more too.   Since we’ve started the soy formula, E does seem a bit happier, although he still has his fussy moments that I cannot figure out.

MJ tells me that fussy babies are said to be more intelligent.  I think it’s one of those things people tell you to make you feel better, like rain is good luck on your wedding day…just things that people say to make you feel a bit better…

So, E and I went to his doctors this afternoon and my worst fear was confirmed, she offered NO help.  She said that he is on the ‘curve’ still even though he’s spitting up a ton (she saw him for 10-15 minutes and he spit up FOUR times while she was in the room with us.  She suggested we try soy formula and then go from there.  I do not want to put him on any medicine…we are trying so hard to keep his body free of toxins by making our own organic baby food, using only organic, natural cleansers, etc. so I am thinking we are just going to have to deal with his crazy spitting up.

And she offered no help in terms of his fussiness.  Oy, what to do now.  Just hope that things improve and put a positive spin on it all.  I at least am the one that gets to spend time with him and watch him grow and help him learn, not someone else, although there are times where I think about working again, only to realize that it would be so much more work for me.  I don’t know how you mothers out there work and raise such young children-you are amazing!