Everyone does I suppose. But I find as I get older, and have less time for myself, I have begun to reevaluate some of my friendships. What use do they serve? Am I truly enjoying having that specific friendship.
I find I tend to focus on the negative. Occasional harsh comments, being brushed aside for other things, these are not uncommon in my world of friends. And they make me feel pretty awful. But then again, what do my friends offer me? Instantaneous support when needed.
I made a comment to my friend the other evening-I have such a limited amount of ‘me’ time, do I really want to spend it with people I question being friends with? I originally said no, but now I am unsure. There’s always good and bad with everything in life. I guess I just am not certain that they are equal, or more good than bad. I suppose that will be the determining factor.
Today I turn 26. I have no idea how this happened. I have no idea how I am married, with a child, and 26 years old. Yea, at one point I was hoping to have a child by 24, heck A wanted a child by 24 (which would have made me 22, yikes). But I just don’t feel this old. I feel like I am 22. But every day I seem to notice that I am looking older and older, a few more gray hairs, some wrinkles, some more sagging (maybe due to E more than aging though).
But having a birthday also reminds me how lucky I am to have wonderful people in my life. All the phone calls I get from friends, the cards I get in the mail, it’s nice to hear from people. E and I went over MJ’s house today. She made me a cake, complete with candles. It was really sweet. Things like that make me feel that there is good in the world…at least for a little while.
