I find myself reflecting on the day, quite often right after E’s in bed, and labeling it in my head, good or bad. For most of the last 11 months, I would say I’ve labeled the days bad. Not because the whole thing is awful, but the amount of fussing, crying, etc. that E would exhibit (in addition to the normal ‘baby’ ways) was definitely more than half the day. Am I a bad mother? Uh…I would hope not. I try everything to get him to stop fussing, to be happy, but for the most part, it’s just what he wants to do.
Yesterday was a good day. E was happy for the most part, we had fun, it was good. Yet today, already, he’s been fussing a whole bunch, just being difficult. So…what do I make of all of this. I need to stop labeling the days.
Now, to get all mushy, which is oh so not like me, every day there are things that E does that make me so happy and content to be at home with him. His accomplishments, all of them, his talking, just so many different things. Yet I seem to dwell on the not so easy parts of the day when I am thinking back.
I say to myself so often that I am lucky to be at home with E. I am lucky to be the one raising him. I just need to remember this throughout each and every day.
Filed under: baby, family, life, new mom, son | Tags: envy, fussy, napping, tired
Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins…why is it that this is what I always feel when I see a baby who is ‘behaving’; not crying, not fussing, not demanding. Sure, people tell me all the time, that’s what babies do, and trust me, I understand.
But when E will not play on his own for 5 minutes, cries for an hour to no avail, regardless of what I do, there’s a little part of me that becomes jealous of the parents who have children who will play independetly, aren’t so darn stubborn and particular, and just let them have a minute here and there.
It all boils down to what I thought being a mother would be…this is not it. I didn’t expect E to drain me this much of all my energy. I was at MJ”s the other day and she was saying she felt badly for letting her son play in his crib for a little while as she rested a bit in her bed. Gosh, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself! E cries loudly if I don’t get him after a couple of minutes.
But, there we go again. I love E for who he is, fussiness and all. Of course, as I am finishing this up, he is waking up, after napping for maybe a half hour. This is how he drains me…I get virtually no time to ‘refuel’ myself before he starts needing constant attention all over again. How I miss those days when he would nap for at least 2 hours a day…
Today, being Earth Day, I felt especially guilty when I forgot my reusable totes at home! But, just that I use them more than not, even at NON-grocery store places (which I see fewer people do…) makes me feel a little better when I forget them.
However, I came across this fantastic link to make your own bags out of old t-shirts…super simple and creative!
Go here!
So, that’s all I can write for now. So much has gone on today with E being incredibly fussy (I really am starting to think it’s a milk thing-I gave him some yogurt and have noticed that both times I have he’s been really fussy), having ants in the house (ACK!), still trying to unpack, and having A gone tonight for a ball game and then working from home last night, I am utterly exhausted.
