BarefootinBoston

Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins…why is it that this is what I always feel when I see a baby who is ‘behaving’; not crying, not fussing, not demanding.  Sure, people tell me all the time, that’s what babies do, and trust me, I understand.

But when E will not play on his own for 5 minutes, cries for an hour to no avail, regardless of what I do, there’s a little part of me that becomes jealous of the parents who have children who will play independetly, aren’t so darn stubborn and particular, and just let them have a minute here and there.

It all boils down to what I thought being a mother would be…this is not it.  I didn’t expect E to drain me this much of all my energy.  I was at MJ”s the other day and she was saying she felt badly for letting her son play in his crib for a little while as she rested a bit in her bed.  Gosh, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself!  E cries loudly if I don’t get him after a couple of minutes.

But, there we go again.  I love E for who he is, fussiness and all.  Of course, as I am finishing this up, he is waking up, after napping for maybe a half hour.  This is how he drains me…I get virtually no time to ‘refuel’ myself before he starts needing constant attention all over again.  How I miss those days when he would nap for at least 2 hours a day…

E is quite a fussy, noisey baby. I often worry about it. I have had several people tell me not to. “He’s a baby. They are supposed to cry!” is the typical response.

With his teething, he has been even more fussy than usual. His naps have been tough. He has been crying for a bit before falling asleep, more so than usual. Thursday was a particularly difficult day. He was putting up quite a fight to go to sleep. The people upstairs were being very noisy (mind you, this was at 3 in the AFTERNOON on a weekday?!?!). As soon as I would calm him down, it would be nice and quiet, and the upstairs neighbors would start making a racket. They would stop when he started to cry, and start up again once he stopped. Intentional? I think so.

Needless to say, I was getting incredibly angry. I understand that it’s in the afternoon, and that noise making isn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t care so much if I didn’t think (eh hem, KNOW) that they were doing it to be rude. So, the only thought in my head was to go, bring screaming E, into the back hallway where they could hear him even better. So, I took him from his crib, unlocked the door, and stepped into the hallway. As I closed the door behind me, I heard the door slammer say “Oh boy, the baby is crying again!” I had so many thoughts run through my head at that moment that I wanted to shout up to her, but I refrained.

I stewed and stewed. Called A, MJ, both understanding and both agreeing with me that this was a bit crazy. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to call her on it and make the last week here a total living hell, but I really didn’t want her to feel that this was ok.

As I was talking with A that evening, I made a comment that so many people tell me that babies cry, and it’s ok. To which he responded, they have all had kids. When I thought about it, I realized he was so right. Which only led me to one conclusion, people who don’t have children can never understand.

And I say that once being a person without a child, not too long ago at that. And I remember thinking, can’t that parent make that baby be quiet (and I LOVE children). Yup, guilty as charged. Another way being a mother has changed me. But somehow, on that day, I forgot what it was like to not have a child and hear a screaming baby. An annoyance to some, it’s the only answer to others. Sometimes letting your little one cry is all you’re able to do. And I would like to think that, regardless of people’s parent status, this could be an understanding amongst us all. Sadly, I am mistaken.

When does napping get easier?  I’m sure, like all the standard answers, it depends on the baby.  E has been such an amazing night sleeper, I this his napping fills in his ’sleep issues’.  As discussed months ago, it seems not much has changed.  Well, he is closer to 45 minutes as the norm, but still will nap for 30 minutes.  Once in a while, I’d say every few days, he’ll sleep for an hour or more.  And when he does, boy do I notice a difference.  It’s like he’s a new baby.

He wakes up talking to himself instead of fussing like mad.  He’s happy and content for a longer time.  He’s just an ‘easier’ baby.  But how can I get him to sleep that long?  This is the question I’ve been asking myself for months.  A few days ago, I tried to convince him to fall back asleep after he had woken up (he slept for about a half hour).  After a few minutes of crying, he did fall back asleep, for an hour.  So, I have tried to do this more often.  Many of the times, he just keeps crying, with the crying escalating to total sobbing.  Then of course I go rescue him from his crib.

But he needs his sleep, and it’s obvious in his demeanor.  But how to get it?

And what happens when he can pull himself up and stand??  Do you just put him in the crib and walk away and let him do his thing until he falls asleep?  This dawned on me the other day, and is something I am quite fearful of!